Day 161: Woke up and was absolutely still drunk and went to pilates. I think I hurt my lower back because I was doing moves wrong and didn’t feel it because I was drunk. I got an unreal acai bowl after and then I took a nap. Lol I never nap, but I needed my strength.
ZC: I woke up hungover and had to finish a study guide it was brutal.
After my nap I headed to meet Alice and Jack!!! On my way I transferred from the bus to the train at Bondi Junction and saw all these people running away and cop cars rushing towards the area. Obviously my American ass thought there was a shooting and then I remembered there are no guns here and I thought maybe it was a bombing? Turns out it was a stabbing in the mall at Bondi junction - the deadliest in Australia in 7 years. AND I WAS RIGHT THERE. I was completely fine and wasn’t in the mall but it definitely freaked me tf out and everyone I knew and loved was asleep, but also it shows how much less deadly knives are than guns. If he had a gun, let alone an automatic weapon, who knows what the death toll would have been.
I met up with Alice and Jack and we poured over the news for a bit before returning to cousinly activities. In very exciting news, Alice found her wedding dress that day!!!!! They took me on a pseudo bar crawl and we went to all of these amazing breweries in Merrickville. We got fries with gravy, which I had never had, but it was so good at one of our first stops. Then we went to the Bob Hawke Beer & Leisure Centre which serves amazing Chinese food. We got shrimp toast which I had also never had and absolutely loved. The brewery is an homage to ex prime minister who was amazing at chugging beer. The place is decked out in his memorabilia. Alice and Jack’s friend Isla met us for our bar crawl and she had just been to Japan so I got to pick her brain on all the best spots. It was an adorable evening of cousinly love!!!!!
ZC: The study guide genuinely took every ounce of strength left in me so I stayed home and missed the stabbing. I wandered around Bondi, swam at the iceberg club, watched the sunset, and slept a lot of hours.
Day 162: Bravely woke up not hungover and went for my daily morning walk. Then we had to say goodbye to our amazing airbnb…. but fret not! We were moving in with Sasha and Liv!!!!! We chilled in the bark outside their new place and ate breakfast burritos while they ran some errands and then dropped our shit off.
We had a big mission for the day - move a couch and washing machine from Sasha’s old house to the new place. It was… shockingly easy? We had reinforcements of course, but I was expecting hell and it went smoothly. We took the back off the couch and dropped it down through the window, and then Sasha’s old roommate (who lives in her old house still) lent us his truck and helped us hoist the washing machine into the new place. We had a dolly and everything.
After our day of labor, we had to do an afternoon beach. We watched Sasha absolutely shred. Side note, when asked if she could surf, Sasha was very modest and said she was good, but no bragging at all. I knew that meant she was a beast and I am so fucking jealous of how good she is. She said she has to relearn the beach/surf because things change with tides/storms/etc but it was so cool watching her.
Sasha and Liv drove us to an adorable park (where they had their first date and their 1 year anniversary) to watch the sunset over the city. We had beers and snacks and gossiped and laughed. Sasha went out for dinner with one of her friend’s parents who were in town so Liv, Xandy and I indulged in a fishbar order and watched Summer House and then started the current season of MAFS. For those of you who remember, MAFS is Married at First Sight and we watched some of the episodes with Jess and her roommates, but we started this season from the beginning and it’s soooooo good. I really think I will keep watching it. We made biscoff snickerdoodle cookies from butter boy this cutie cookie shop in Manly that I bought dough from and gorged ourselves. It was such a lovely girly pop night I NEEDED it for my soul.
Day 163: Actual adult Sasha had to go to to work this morning while stay at home wifey (Liv) watched the kids (me and Xand). I went for a long walk while Liv ran some errands and picked up a few more things for the apartment and then mommy made us brekky before Xandy and I went SNORKELING. Of course Sasha and Liv just have snorkeling equipment we can use. We walked by a gorgeous cemetery on the way. Ngl the water was rough and chilly and I did swallow/choke on a few waves, but the fish were beautiful and it was so cool to do.
Then mommy picked her kids up and we headed TO SEE KOALAS. I forgot my dry underwear so mommy liv had to take us home for a quick pit stop and then we were OFF. She had literally gone to the store and gotten us Australian kid staples including: bacon and cheese rolls, apples, and TINY TEDDYS which are very similar to teddy grahams. These were basically funfetti flavored and soooooo good and Liv basically cried of laughter when Xandy said she wished they were covered in frosting. Only Americans would want the sweetest little treat to be sweeter.
We gave Liv a Chappell Roan education on our drive to what we thought was an animal rescue place but honestly turned out to be pretty much a petting zoo lmfao. I don’t love zoos bc they bum me out but I was so fucking dumbstruck at seeing KOALAS IN REAL LIFE. I cannot emphasize how cute they are. All they do is sleep and they latch onto the trees in insane ways. I couldn’t stop thinking about the children’s animated movie Sing which I have seen once years ago but the main character is a koala and I saw him in every real life koala. Liv captured our faces seeing them for the first time and the pictures crack me tf up.
You can buy food to feed some of the animals but it was school holidays this week so all the food was sold out. Luckily some nice Americans shared their food with us and we got to feed little baby kangaroos. Most of them were in a full food coma by this point, but one baby was going strong and would literally grip onto your hand while it ate from you. It was insane. They also had a bunch of birds which feels weird to keep caged like they famously love to fly but they were pretty and Lydia would have lost her damn mind at all of it.
That night we made pesto pasta and Liv and Sasha dropped off homemade biscotti to all their new neighbors. We chatted and arm wrestled for the last tiny teddy. Sasha won…. And gabbed and gossiped until bedtime.
Day 162: up and at em! It’s roadtrip time! We hit the road at 5:30am heading due north for Byron Bay. That’s right… it’s hometown dates. Liv is bringing us to meet her family. But I’m getting ahead of myself, we still had an 8 hour drive to get through. Liv showed us this amazing podcast where each episode is an analysis of a season of sex and the city so we listened to two of those and interspersed our own commentary during the episodes. We had amazing pies for breakfast and then stopped at McDonald’s for lunch. I got a “large” drink and it was literally the size of an American small. Xandy got a small coffee and it would have been a kids size. They also had on the cup “how’d we go?” instead of “how’d we do?” and that is such an aussie-ism. Everyone’s greeting is “how ya going?” not “how are you?”. After a few days with Liv and Sasha I started being confident enough to say that to random people but I always felt like a poser. I grinded away on the study guide in the back seat for a lot of the drive which was hard but I got a lot done. For our last chunk of the drive we did a taylor swift educational program. We played a few songs from each album and gave Liv the rundown on the key players of the time and a flavor of the vibe of each. We were preparing for the new album drop and Liv is not a die hard fan like us so it was fun to indoctrinate a new swiftie.
We made record time with Liv driving the entire way like a literal truck driver and made it to Liv’s parents house!!!! This place is unreal I felt like I was at a 5 star resort. It’s a stunning indoor outdoor villa with a little guest house that Xandy and I got to ourselves. We EACH had our own king bed… luxury we do not deserve. The house was decorated stunningly so modern but not at all boring. It had a ton of wood and really cool furniture and art I just absolutely loved it.
We had a cocktail by the pool and then Liv’s mom made us coconut sticky rice with chicken and cabbage and fresh herbs. Liv’s parents are named Nick and Tracy and I am obsessed with them. They are truly my friends. They are from England and started dating in their early 20s and each came to Australia when they were ~25. Nick came first for his job and Tracy wanted to get her own visa, not do a partner visa through Nick so she joined him a year later. They went back to England for a year when Liv and her older sister Ellen were young, but missed Australia. They headed back and have been there ever since! They are so kind and funny and generous and hospitable and truly made us feel like a part of their family. We gabbed all through dinner and got to know each other. They both are in advertising and have got the chat. I almost forgot to introduce the most important family member. JEFF! Jeff is their gigantic mini pony of a dog. He truly gallops around like a horse and is humongous and so cute and has one of the best smiles in any species I’ve ever seen. We did a family stargaze to end the night and Liv’s mom pointed out this insane green frog. Night was was a 15374736/10 couldn’t ask for more.
Day 164: Woke up to the birds chirping and the sun shining and did some yoga in my room. Then I went on a long walk and wow the climate is so different from Sydney. It makes sense because it is so much farther north but you could really feel the difference - it was so much more tropical and already HOT at like 8:30am. Jeff has free rein of the compound and he would come visit us in the morning.
We got our act together and headed to the BEACHHHHHHH. Holy shit Byron Bay beach is truly one of the best beaches I have ever been to. The sand is amazing. It’s HUGE and so pretty and you can tan topless. I had never done that before, but when in Australia! Liv took us to an awesome brewery after the beach before getting one of her childhood favorite ice creams which is literally called a golden gaytime and cracked me tf up. It’s vanilla ice cream covered in Carmel and then dipped in cookies. It obviously rocked. Then we went to the “tip” which is a really cool goodwill esque shop if you could also drop stuff like toilets and sinks and tiles etc at a goodwill. It’s a very diy fixer upper shop and is designed to reduce waste in the landfills. Tracy loves to go here and found Liv and Sasha’s awesome dining room table from there.
Liv cooked shrimp tacos this evening and we had another perfect family dinner. Something interesting to me is that they all sit at a different seat every night. My family has basically assigned seats so I had to get used to that. I mainly sat in the same seat each night, but even I had to switch around by the end.
Day 165: We had BIG plans today: surfing. Xandy has fully caught the surfing bug and was eager to get out there. I went out for like 10 minutes and was done and spent most of the time reading. I demolished Visit from the Goon Squad which was a recommendation from Xandy who was recommended the book by Steph so s/o Steph and then I bought the second Red Rising Book. They are so WAR but for some reason once I start one I cannot put it down.
ZC: When I try to surf all I do is eat shit over and over and over again. I don’t even know why I like it. The next day I woke up with a bruise on my pubic bone like wtf
After surfing we had an afternoon of shopping. I got an amazing set to wear to Jerry’s burning man/fairy themed bday and xandy thrifted a sick red leather jacket for like 8usd. We feasted on dumplings for lunch and headed home.
This evening was for content. Tracy and Nick had a date night at a wine bar so we parked our butts in front of the tv for like 7 hours. First, we watched Kath and Kim which is an iconic Australian sitcom. I fucking loved it. Liv loves accents and we spent most of the days just saying words back and forth to each other that we found funny and Kath and Kim have iconic accents. Amazing fodder for the days to come. Up next we watched a Britney Spears movie called Crossroads which I somehow did not even know existed and it was sooooooooooo so good. Classic roadtrip rom com. Amazing songs and outfits and Britney sings of course. 10/10 if you’re in the mood for something like that. Then we started Baby Reindeer… for those of you who don’t know it’s an amazing show that just came out and it’s a true story about a comedian working through his trauma after he was raped and stalked (by different people). He renames the stalker for anonymity and he renames her MARTHA. Literally my only media representation is a portly insane stalker woman. I wasn’t used to hearing my name so much in a show. We were just gonna start it but the show was so compelling that we ended up binging the entire thing in one sitting. Jeff also watched everything with us. I fell asleep scared of stalkers, but definitely watch the show.
Day 166: we talked a big game about going to the farmers market this morning but we stayed up too late watching tv so we all slept through it. Mama Tracy made it though and bought us all pastries for breakfast. Then we headed on a family hike! I have truly never done a hike like this. It was along/through a creek under a waterfall. Some parts the creek was so deep you would have to swim and the water was definitely a little chilly. Hostess with the mostest liv let me wear her extra sneakers and xandy wore and old pair of Tracy’s so Liv ended up duct taping her knock off crocs to her feet for the hike.
The hike was so beautiful and the sunlight would shine through the trees causing stunning lighting. Tracy carried doughnuts (also from the farmers market) in the dry bag and we had a doughnut feast on the creek.
ZC: This feels like a good time to explain my medical journey in Australia (I’m fine). LONG STORY SHORT I needed meds that we weren’t already carrying (insane bc we have hauled like 15 separate prescriptions all around the world just in case). So I went to the clinic and tbh it’s a fuck ass system. Made me feel better about the US but of course Australians all actually have health care. I got some tests and then they sent me results a few days later but they told me I had to pay another 75 australian dollars just to speak to the doctor so he’d give me a prescription. Then my queen savior mother Sasha asked around and someone sent one for me out of the kindness of their heart. I am so grateful. Anyway on this hike I had one in my pocket and it fully disintegrated when we swam through the creek and I salvaged as many crumbs of the pill as possible and ate them using the donut as a chaser because it tastes so bad.
We hit up the grocery store on the way home and everyone goes into the grocery store barefoot in Australia so we followed suit. Liv’s parents technically live a bit outside of Byron bay and it is hippie nation, like they think that 5g is a government plot against them hippie so we got to people watch some real characters.
We got materials for lunch (rotisserie chicken sandwiches ofc) and then Nick insisted on cooking an American feast (ribs). I now understand how liv is such an amazing host because her parents are unreal. We drank margaritas and watched the sunset in their garden and then FEASTED. While the ribs were finishing we played a game with Tracy. She collects antiques and she would go get some funky looking thing and then we would guess what it was. Some of them were so hard and some we got weirdly quickly. We also looked through amazing old pictures of bb Liv who was SOOOOO CUTE OBVI. We ended the evening feasting on Whitakers which we managed to find in the grocery store and tried to watch lord of the rings. Liv and I both fell asleep 10 minutes in and bowed out but Tracy and Nick pushed through.
Day 167: We got to meet some of their best family friends (the parents also moved from England their twenties and have kids Liv’s age) and had pastries for breakfast. We had to squeeze in one more trip to the beach and we went to this super secluded one and did a skinny dip as our farewell to Australia. On the way home we stopped at a nursery to get a plant for Tracy and Nick as a thank you and so next time we come back we can see how tall it is!! We had a sad lunch last lunch with Jeff and then got dropped at the bus stop as the rain started. Australia was weeping for us.
We took the bus up to Brisbane and spent the night in a hilarious hotel that was on top of a sports bar. We got grocery store sushi and ramen for dinner and hit the hay… Tune in next week to see our next location!!!
No more waves to shred this week my little surfers… ttyl xoxoxooxoxo ALL MY LOVE!
I ❤️ Jeff